With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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