No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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