Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
