i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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