Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
