Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I can't turn off my feet"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
