Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
