i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
