Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
