grandma shit on top of the toilet
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
