I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
