You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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