R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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