oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
