This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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