Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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