Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
