remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
