did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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