Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
