I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
