Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
