that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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