tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
