Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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