so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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