I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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