Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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