his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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