They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
