but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Please, let me fuck your mom
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
