to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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