Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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