no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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