But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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