seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
