I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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