Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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