dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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