i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm always down for nudity.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
