Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
