Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
