i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
