I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize