if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
