Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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