Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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