Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
