If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
