i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
