he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
