oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
