Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
