What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
