Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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