i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
