So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
