nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
