took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
