Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
