I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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