I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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