peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
