never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just had sex on a roof
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
