3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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