I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
