There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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