thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
do herpes really smell.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
