You made me cry and you don't even care
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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