I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
