people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
