So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
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Be still, my beating vagina.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
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I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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