Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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