Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
