I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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