my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Dear god my vagina.
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