you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
