i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
