I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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