I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
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shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
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Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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