i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
