The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
