That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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