How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
