bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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