Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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